silver kissmark presents: poetry by the den

UTOPIA BREACHED (OPIUM WORLD)

2005-10-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

*(My eternal ecstasy, you’re my personal ecstasy)

I.
Where can I find my rainbow stairs?
My gravitation, my antidote for your devil eyes
Gaze into heaven’s sky
As its distant hands become dormant
Like your dismal goodbyes

REFRAIN:
Burn your innocence, whisper me love (help me dry my tears)
Help me out of this mess, switch this addiction off

CHORUS:
You captured my soul (repair these wounds)
You take me for granted (can’t find my nook)
You swallowed me whole (‘till now I’m hooked)
You’re all that I wanted (in my opium world)

*(My eternal ecstasy, you’re my personal ecstasy)

II.
When can I taste my blessed oasis?
My sanctuary, my four corners, stop your sinister laughs
Cease my addiction
But only in half
Tunnel me out of this madness

BRIDGE:
Wake me of my reverie it’s you I long to hold
Recovering from reality, where sadness is threefold
Bleeding just to see, snap back I was told
‘Till curved backs stay with me, as we both grow old

END:
Where can I find you?
My sanity, my once utopian dream…

quotation

2005-08-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

love by far is still the longest word

where is the star that promised me bright valentine? [questions in twelve]

2004-07-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

where is the star that promised me bright valentine?
the pink shaded roses that vowed endless sublime?
to where, arms akimbo shall seven die one time?
to where, gods rested, pillow clouds in such divine?

where is the heart that swore endless perpetual miles?
the soul that took my hand and clinched itself to mine?
to where, this love shall establish its strength to die?
to where, love attests the will for this to survive?

where is the land that pledged the morning sun to shine?
the moon to show its brightness proved to be a crime?
to where, all the kings and the queens shall feast and dine?
to where, my hunger for lust shall end in demise?

Letter from Milton Tanner

2004-07-11T20:59:00.002-07:00

Dear Flor,

How are you, I am fine I talked to Merlita on Tuesday and she wants me to wait until February to come to the Philippines. Right now I don't have a job but I am looking for one, a good job is hard to find right now things are slow now. Merlita thinks it would be better if she is there before I come over, but I will be sending Joshua some birthday presents. You say in your letter , how come your giving her a hard time. I don't think I am giving her a hard time, I know now that the biggest mistake i ever made was when I left her and my son over there. I feel very bad for what I have done and I know that you find it hard to trust me but I still love your daughter very much and I am hoping to be able to save enough money by February to come to the Philippines. I will be sending Joshua some pictures taken tonight so as soon as I get them developed I will send you some. I will close for now, Tell Joshua that I miss and love him very much.

Milton

P.S. write back soon
P.S.S. I have a new address on back->

Milton Tanner
5775 Hayes Rd.
Bath, N.Y. 14810

October 12 1991

her thursday room [for A.F.S]

2004-07-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

i entered her thursday room once
and was mesmerized by the fact
that she was still at a glow
out of yesterday's stressful class

she faces her students
with a smile on her face
and she talks about poetry
while im still at a daze

i listened to her voice
and noted all that she said
though i am there for an exam
she is all up in my head

what knowledge, what dedication
could outstand her reading grace?
what heaven, what beauty
could surpass her attractive face?

though it is plain adoration
i think she is the best
i was so in to my reverie
that i forgot i have a test

saresa

2004-07-02T04:42:00.001-07:00

I

matagal-tagal narin akong hindi umuuwi sa aming probinsya. malimit narin akong tumawag sa aming bahay, para kumustahin ang tatlo kong kapatid. di ko na alam ang mga pagbabagong nangyari sa aming siyudad, kung mayroon man. limot na sa aking ala-ala ang pakiramdam ng sariwang hangin, ang mahinhing pagdampi ng mabangong ulan sa ming mga halaman sa bakuran, ang buwan at ang malugod na pagtanggap ng aming mga kapitbahay.halos apat na taon narin ang nakalipas ng huli kong masilayan ang aming siyudad, umuwi lang ako minsan upang bumoto.

matigas na ang hangin dito sa maynila, halos wala ka ng makitang bituin sa gabi, di tulad sa probinsya na parang naghahabulan at naguunahan ang mga talang walang kasing liwanag. gusto kong maibalik ang dama ng lupa sa aking mga paa, ang mainit-init na haplos ng buhangin sa pagitan ng aking mga daliri at tumikim muli ng nakaligtaang lasa ng saresa.

II

iba na ang mukha ng aking mga kapatid, gayon din ang aking ina. matagal ko na rin silang hindi hinagkan i nilibre man lang sa labas. pati ang pagsimba'y nakaligtaan ko narin.

ng ako'y nakauwi, laking gulat ng aking ina, na halos mangiyak-ngiyak siya sa luha, para bang nakakain siya ng maasim na suha. pinaghandaan pa nila ako ng isang maliit na calebrasyon. sabay-sabay kaming kumain.

pagkatapos ng aming munting pagsasalo'y kinuha ako ng aking mga kapatid at dinala nila ako sa kanilang kwarto. ipinakita nila nila sa akin ang limang photo albums na punung-puno ng mga litrato ng kani-kanilang mga kaarawan.

ngayon ko lang narinig muli ang boses ng aking bunsong kapatid. dati ay hindi pa ito makapagsalita, ngunit ngayo'y walang humpay ang kanyang pagdadadada.

lumabas ang aking mga kapatid para maglaro ng patintero kasama ang kanilang mga kaibigan. naiwan ako sa silid. marami na palang nagbago sa aming bahay. ang kulay ng sala, ang hardin, ang bubong, garahe at ang aming gate ay naiba narin.

III

sa kinatagal na panaho'y di ko man lang namalayan na marami ang pwedens mangyari. paspas na pagbabago at ang iba'y kailangan pa ng kaunting panahon. datapwat ako'y parang dayuhan sa aming bahay ay dama ko parin ang mainit na pagsalubong sa akin ng aking buong pamilya.

sumunod ako sa labas para sunduin ang aking mga kapatid. nakita ko silang pilit na umaabot sa puno ng saresa. pilit nilang kinukuha ang manula-mulang mga bunga nito. tinulungan ko silang makakuha ng saresa. kumuha narin ako para sa akin.

pagtikim ko sa prutas ay kaagad kong inisip: ito ang tunay na ligaya.

mula noo'y di na ako bumalik ng maynila.

tsansing: [from the story "kwentong babae"; third section from the excerpt]

2004-07-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

May pagnanasang sumalat sa bahagi ng ibang tao. May kasiyahang
dulot ang pagsaling o pagdantay, lalo pa't bawal. Bakit naman kasi aninong
sumasabay ang pagnanasa para sa kapwa? Sa nilaki-laki ng mundo, di ba't
kasiya-siya ang may makikinita kang taong gusto mo? Hindi pa ba naman
susunggaban ang pagkakataon?

Sumiksik ako sa tabi nya kahit maluwag pa sa kabilang panig ng jeep.
Para akong nasa military training sa projection---chest up, chin up,
stomach-in---habang ang itim ng aking mata'y pilit pa ring sumisilip sa
kanyang profile. Magandang nilalang, at ang dagdag na kagandahan ay hindi
man lang sya conscious sa kanyang ganda.

Nakasampay ang kanyang kanang kamay sa hawakan sa loob ng jeep.
Huwag ka munang pumara, isip ko. Nais kong namnamin ang pagkakataong
makapiling ka, makadaupampalad. Itinabi ko ang aking dibdib sa yong siko,
sumalat ang aking hinliliit sa iyong hinliliit. Pati ang aking relo'y
dumantay din sa yong pulso. Hindi ka tumitinag. Itinabi ko ang aking
matigas na tuhod sa iyo. Wala ka pa ring reaksyon. Ito ang mahirap sa
tsinatsansingan. Walang ligayang dulot kapag hindi nararamdaman ng
iniisahan.

Ipinatong ko ang mga libro sa iyong hita. Pinaluputan ito ng aking
kamay hanggang sa masalat ko ang kalahati ng iyong hita. Nais ko nang
sabunutan ang aking sarili. Ikinaskas ko ang aking utong sa iyong siko.
Dead-ma ka pa rin. Diyos ko, nai-insecure na ako. Kailangan ko na bang
tumitig sa salamin?

Tumingin ako sa tagiliran ng yong mukha, kahit pa nagsisimula na
ring tumingin sa aking ang mga pasahero. Dinantayan ng aking isang kamay
ang mga librong nakapatong sa yong hita habang ang isang kamay ay papalapit
sa yong singit. Pinagpawisan na ako, gayundin ang mga pasaherong nakatitig
sa atin. Hindi ka man lang nagpahiwatig kung nagugustuhan mo rin.

Biglang kumatok sa bubong ng jeep ang iyong kamay na bumitiw sa
bakal. Huminto ang sasakyan. Bago ka bumaba'y mabilis kang tumitig sa
akin, tila ako malulusaw. Matapos ay dumantay ang yong mukha sa aking
teinga. Inilapit ko ito, naghihintay ng yong ibubulong na paliwanag,
pagkukunsinti, mura, pakutya o pangaral. Pero walang dumating maliban sa
yong basangbasang dila na dumantay sa aking namamawis na laylayan ng teinga.
Napapikit ako, nagkagat-labi, napalunok, napatungo. Nang dumilat ako ay
bigla kang nawala na, gayundin ang aking relo.

translation: charmi baby's tanaga

2004-07-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

a picture of yesterday
i did whisper to the wind
to cure all my dismay
from the bitterness of thy singe

just reaction

2004-07-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

It is said, that it takes a lifetime to figure out who you are, but here at the De LaSalle University, we move a tad faster. I think it is agreeable to say, open-minded, good, judgmental, bad. But when it comes to differentiation of attributes, everyone would concur that everyone is unique, so this discrepancy is considered an excuse. Based on Freud’s Psychosexual Adult Characteristics, I would fall under a combination a Urethral, Genital and Oral characters.
My Urethral Characteristics: I am a very ambitious and a self-competitive person. Its seems that 24 hours a day is simply not enough to start and end my sunlight hours. I want to be the leader of the group and I would feel disappointed if my ideas are simply trashed by my group mates. I also want to do everything, because I could never get myself to trust someone. No pain, no gain. If there is a will, there is a way. People who act all “cheerleadery” on me easily pisses me off, I don’t want any of that, “you can do it!” “Go, go!” stuff. I don’t like people pushing me over the edge because I want to put myself over the edge. I do mind if someone criticizes me in front of a lot of people especially in front of my friends and that ends my urethral traits.
My Genital Characteristics: I believe in sex, but not love. I really try to put my sex life out there. I find relief on sex. I call it my “damsel in distress drawback and debacle dressing room”. It is where you place yourself, in case you feel down. You release all of your innovations through sex. I don’t believe in monogamy. A single man can’t simply fulfill “all” of your needs. If monogamy permits multiple orgasms, I would be monogamous. Sex couldn’t be great without an orgasm. I respect the act itself though.
My Oral Characteristics: these attributes of mine came about from my childhood oral fixations. I am sometimes dependent on others, not just financially, but emotionally and socially but not physically. I smoke and I love to chew on gum. When I feel depressed, I over eat to overcome my emotions. Love for me can be equated with food. I remember, when I was a kid, I longed for paternal love because I didn’t have my parents when I was a child, and I think that this I the cause of me, being a homosexual. I don’t know what brought about these fixations, but I am sure this has something to do with me, indulging onto smoking and drinking and kissing.

pedicab

2004-07-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

Gabi-gabi’y ako’y naghihintay at pumapara sa iyo para ihatid ako sa aking bahay. Pagkatapos kong tumambay sa gusaling malapit sa parahan ng pedicab, pagkatapos manigarilyo at magsunog ng baga, pagkatapos malaspag sa tambak ng mga gawaing bahay ko na nanggaling sa eskwelaha’y ikaw na ang iniisip ko. Ngunit hindi ikaw ang una kong sinakyan.
Pansin ko’y ikaw ay may pagtingin sa akin na mas malagkit pa sa durang may plema na nilalabas ng kapwa mong pumapadiyak. Bakit ba tumagal bago kita nasilayan? Bakit ba hindi ka pumuwesto sa parahan na iyon? Bakit hindi ka nauna sa kanila para man lang maisakay mo ako?

Sana ay dati pa kita sinakyan, sa may kanto ng taft, o di kaya’y sa bandang vito cruz kung saan sinabi mo, doon ka dati nakapwesto. Bente lamang ang binabayad ko sa iyo kapag hinahatid mo ako sa aking bahay. Sana man lang ay humingi ka ng dagdag. Gusto ko’y humingi ka ang dagdag. Tandang-tanda ko pa ang unang gabing hinatid mo ako. Mabagal ang iyong pag-padiyak, and mga mata mo’y mulat na mulat dahilan sa tatlong baso ng kape na ininum mo bago bumiyahe, ang mga kamay mo’y naninigas sa lamig ng gabi at ang mga binti mo’y parang paralisado sa kaba. Kaba sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Hindi ko rin malaman ang dahilan kung bakit gustong-gusto kong sumakay sa pedicab mo. Siguro dahil sa salamin na nakalagay sa may harapan ko, o di kaya’y sa napakalambot na upuan na gawa lamang sa plastik. O kaya ay sa mga malilit na posters na nakadikit sa gilid ng upuan, pati narin sa banda ng salamin. Di kaya dahil sa nararamdaman ko tuwing sumasakay ako sa iyong trisikleta? Naghahanap ako ng posibleng dahilan, ngunit wala akong magunita.

Maliban sa mga matataas kong grado sa eskwelaha’y ikaw ang sumusunod na nagpapaligaya, nagpapakalma at nagbibigay-sigla sa akin. Kahit na mausok ang kalsada, kahit ang mga busina ng dyipni na papuntang paco ay nakakairita at nakakarindi sa aking teynga, ay pilit ko paring sinasakyan ang iyong munting sasakyan. Minsan ay naninigarilyo pa ako dahil sa sobrang pagod, hanggang sa makikita ko nalang sa iyong salamin na nakatanga nalang ako, at nakatitig sa iyong mala-anghel na mukha, habang ang sigarilyo ko’y naitapon na pala. Ang mga gulong ng iyong pedicab ang malapit na maubusan ng hangin dahil napakabigat ko, kaya minsan ay aking pinapanalangin na mabutas o kaya’y ma-flat ang gulong mo, para mas makapiling kita ng matagal.

Ngayong ikaw ay nakapuwesto na malapit sa gusaling aking tinatambayan, ay laking galit at selos ng mga dati kong sinasakyan na mga pedicab. Minsan nga ay kinokontrata na nila ako, bago gumabi, para lang sila ay kumita ng malaki, dahilan sa mabait ako pagdating sa bayaran. Minsan ay nagbibigay ako ng higit sa dapat kong ibigay. Kung iisipin mo’y mabait nga ako, dahil pwede namang lakarin ang daan pauwi. Kaya ganun na lamang ang bangayan at unahan nila sa pagpilit sa akin na sumakay. Nagpaparinig pa ang iba diyan, dahil minsan, kahit kinontrata na nila ako ay sa iyo parin ako sumasakay. Kaya siguro ganun nalang ang tampo nila sa iyo at marahil sa akin narin.

Ibang-iba ang karanasan ng pagsakay ko sa iyong pedicab. Parang nawawala lahat ng aking pagod pati narin ang sakit ng aking katawan. Nakakalimutan ko ang lahat ng aking problema. Para kang alak, na naglulunod sa akin sa kasiyahang walang kapantay. Hindi ko na siguro mabilang sa aking mga daliri ang beses ng pagsakay ko sa iyo. Ang malungkot lamang isipin ay sa gabi lang kita nakikita, dahil nagsusunog ako ng kilay sa aking eskwelahan. Wala akong pakialam sa iniisip ng ibang pedicab drivers. Bakit? Kagustuhan ko namang sumakay sa iyo, at mas gusto ko ang mabagal na pagpadiyak.

Paminsan-minsan, kapag ako ay may topak ay iniiwanan ko ng pasadiya ang aking bag at file case sa guwardiya ng gusaling tinatambayan ko, pagkatapos ay sasakay ako sa iyo. Sa kalagitnaan ng ating biyahe ay, sisigaw nalang ako ng para, at biglang, bubunutin ang aking pitaka, sabay abot ng pera sa iyong pagkalambot-lambot na kamay. Tinanong mo ako kung bakit ako pumara, ang sabi ko’y nakalimutan ko ang mga gamit ko sa gusali. Hindi mo tinanggap ang pera, sabay sabi sa salitang, “sige, ibabalik nalang kita doon, kahit huwag ka ng magdagdag”. Hay naku, bakit kasi ayaw mo pang biyayaan kita ng gantingpala sa iyong kabaitan? Gustuhin ko mang tumanggi, sa pilit mong hindi na ako magdagdag, ay wala narin akong magagawa. Gusto ko lang naman, na makita ang kabuuhan ng iyong mukha, at ang katawan mong halatang lantay na sa biyahe. Ang sinasabi ko nalang ay, “kaw ang bahala”, sabay titig sa iyong makinis at maputing leeg at braso.

Kapag sinasakay mo ako, para akong prinsesang nakaupo sa aking trono. Walang kasing hinhing nakaupo lamang at naghihintay kung kailan ako muli makakatayo.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagsakay. Malayo pa lamang ako ay, iniisip ko na kung ano ang iyong suot para sa ating maiksi na biyahe. Madalas ay naka-sando ka lamang, naka denim shorts at tsinelas na pudpod na sa kaka-padiyak, o di kaya’y sa kaka-brake mo sa gulong. Minsan naman ay naka-damit ka na may manggas. Mas gusto ko nang ika’y naka sando lamang, dahil doon ko lang napagmamasdan ang kagandahan ng iyong katawan. Ewan ko nga ba kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isipan ko, ang makauwi o ang titigan ka lamang sa buong buyahe.

Hindi ko alam kung nakakahalata ka na paminsan-minsan. Siguro naman ay oo ang isasagot mo. Gabi-gabi na kasi akong sumasakay sa iyo, hindi ka pa ba nakakahalata? Mas gugustuhin ko pa nga na mahalata mo, kaysa mukha akong tanga. Gaya ng nangyari sa akin nang minsa’y sumakay ako sa iyo. Ang sabi mo, “nandito na po tayo”. Kinakalabit mo na ako, ngunit ako ay nakatulala parin at nakatingin sa iyong ganda. Sigurado akong tawang-tawa ka sa kin, at gusto mo na akong sampalin sa aking panandaliang pagka-hibang. Iniisip ko nga minsan kung mayroon ka nga ba talagang pagtingin sa akin ngunit diyan ako higit na hindi nakasisigurado.

Marahil ay sa gabi lamang siya bumabiyahe, dahilan sa pagkaputiputing mga binti at braso niya, kasama narin doon ang kanyang mukha. Pero kung ang pagbabasihan natin ay ang katawan, ay parang buong araw ang kanyang ginugugol sa pagpapadiyak. Pareperehas lang ang mga mukha ng mga driver, na dati kong sinasakyan, maitim, tuyung-tuyo, mahahaba at madudumi ang mga kuko, pawisin at ang kanilang mga siko at mga kalingkinga’y puno ng namumuong libag. Nandidiri ako sa kanila, marahil sa di kanais-nais nilang dating. Minsan nga’y bumabagsak ang kanilang pawis sa aking kaliwang hita, dahil sa bilis ng kanilang pagpadiyak. Atat na atat kasi silang makuha ang dagdag ko sa pasahe. Hay naku, mga pedicab drivers talaga, kahit kailan, pare-parehas lamang. Kung masahol ang kanilang mga itsura, ay mas masahol pa ang kanilang mga ginagamit na pedicab. Ang bakal ay kalawangin na, ang upuan ay walang kasing tigas at ang mabilis na pagpadiyak nila ay ang nagdadagdag sa sakit ng ulo ko. Minsan nga ay dinadaan pa nila sa malubak na daan, at yoon naman ang kinaiinisan ko.

Ngunit ng masilayan kita’y iba ang naging udyok ng aking pagsakay. Nakangiti ako palagi kapag nakikita ko ang dilaw mong pedicab, nasisiyahan sa kulay na pinagmamayabang nito. Halatang inaalagaan niya ang kanyang nagiisang kuhanan ng pangkabuhayan. Iniisip ko minsan, “saan kaya nakatira itong taong ito, para man lang matulungan ko siya sa paglinis ng kanyang pedicab”. Bigla nalang akong matatawa sa pagiisip ng ganoon na mga bagay.

Ang kanyang mga mata ang naghuhugot sa akin para sumakay, kaya hindi mo ako masisisi sa pagpili sa kanya. Ang kanyang tingin ay parang nag-aanyaya na ako ay sumakay. Ang pagsakay ko tuloy ay nagigi ko naring trabaho sa pangaraw-araw. Responsibilidad ko ng sumakay sa kanyang magandang pedicab pagsapit ng gabi.

Hanggang ngayon ay di ko parin malaman ang dahilan kung bakit ganoon na lamang ang nais at saya na nararamdaman ko tuwing ako ay sumasakay sa iyo. Hindi ko din malaman kung ano ba talaga ang nagustuhan ko sa iyo. Ang pagsakay ko ba ang dahilan ng aking pagiging loka-loka, o ikaw? Siguro ay hindi ko pa masasagot ang katanungan na ito.

Sa susunod ay pipilitin kong sumakay ng umaga at hapon, para malaman ko kung ano ang dahilan sa aking walang sawang pagsakay.

vivid memory

2004-07-01T19:53:00.001-07:00

Belinda was my worst nightmare. That old, yet swanky polka dot straight dress of black and white, I can still remember her, jiggling her lollipop in beat with her dark curly auburn hair in yellow ponytails, and on her feet a nice, not to mention her favorite pair of shoes. At least that was my most vivid memory of her; by the lake, at a nearby seesaw, playing with time and the dogs while carelessly waiting for our parents to arrive and fetch us. Everyday we would meet at school at the Pelican Subdivision and we would only separate when her mother would arrive to come get a hold of her. I called her “the witch” because her hair is messier that of an orangutan. The spoiler is here, I would always say. Belinda would usually say goodbye before getting inside of their car, her mother, holding her at one hand, and her other hand, she would use to throw her lollipop. The witch doesn’t like car getting muddled.

take me to sleep

2004-07-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Time has brought us here gently
And love has walked its way here
Let the sunshine wake me ahead
Round your smile is where I’d be

I think this is the time we share the night
I’ve got something in mind
But it will take both you and I

I think its time you
Take me to sleep
Take in a world were
Only you and I can see
A deep and different place where we can
Do what we love most
And that is making love under the moonlight

You take me in a state of happiness
My mind seems to spell your name
No body else can take me to sleep
No one else can make me do the same

seven reasons

2004-07-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Over the years, the gay community has been pressed down by society itself, and no matter how society claims that there is no more bigotry with regards to gender discrimination, we, the gay community can feel the pressure upon us. Today, I am here to persuade everyone why people should once and for all accept gay people for who they are without bias.
First reason: gay people are really fun to be with. No matter how downhearted you are, gay people always seem to find the right words to say and the right things to do. At a slump, they are always there to cheer you up.
Second-reason: gay people are good confidants. They can be your closest friends in the whole wide world. They can relate to intimacy issues whether the problem is caused by a boy or a girl, or what have you. You can also act freely beside one gay friend, no pretensions necessary.
Third reason: gay people can also be your friend and boy factory. Gay people are the loophole of monogamy. Gay people as we all know are very friendly and they tend to know a lot of people, thus, introducing you to a wide array of choices.
Fourth reason: gay people can give good advices whether or not your problems is that of a boy, girl, lesbian or a gay person.
Fifth reason: gay people can talk about anything from socks to sex. They can express their sides without humiliating or harming other parties. Gay people also know how to socialize and be a part of other cliques and gangs.
Sixth reason: Gay people are open-minded on almost everything. Gay people can give out any idea on anything. Gay people can also give you tips on fashion and beauty.
Seventh reason: the most important thing why people should accept gays is that, we are also humans. Humans, who have feelings and are capable of getting hurt as well, like other normal citizens. We also have the free will to decide what we should do, how we should act in front of other people and how we should dress in front of people.

2004-07-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

With regards to the present dilemma of our country, only two resolutions will take no financial wherewithal, trust and honesty. Two immense principles with practicality delimited into each of the words meaning. We need stabilized and robust qualities to be able to outwit and discontinue poverty.
This is likewise interconnected with our SALIKSIK. We principally and fundamentally discussed about what is really vital and imperative in our lives. One facet generally talked about how significant and essential our country is. We have come to realize that we should not only think of ourselves but for the least of our countrymen as well. We should take into deliberation our state, it being as a part of our lives. This is why we took this course, to help out and be of assistance to the building of our much-loved nation. If we truly love our country, we would sacrifice just about anything. Just as St, John Baptist De LaSalle, one of the enthusiast in serving the unfortunate and unprivileged people of his society. He surrendered his wealth in pursuit of helping the poor. We all have a mission, and I believe that that mission can be achieved by a person who is very well rounded, just as what is being facilitated here in he De LaSalle University. Training us to be holistic individuals in preparation to the outside world, in service and always ready to act and to take step in resolving poverty.
Continuing the legacy is not a simple task. We need to be sensible and realistic about what is being imbibed to us. Putting into practice what St. John Baptist De LaSalle is like a complex and difficult labyrinth. We can only achieve what he started, if we will act. Action is what we need and not merely words. In doing this, we must have unity and camaraderie, constructing a nation with great emphasis on trust and honesty. We need to stop graft and corruption which is one cause of an unjust economic system, moreover poverty. This is by electing honest and trustworthy candidates.
As we all know, that the supreme crisis in our nation is misemployment and not unemployment. Our social stability is at a grand debacle, similarly with our economy. But I am still in the quandary to the fact that even our top officials (the president) cannot even solve our country’s utmost predicament yet. There is still an immense population of uneducated Filipinos in attendance, creating yet another setback. As a solution, education should also be highlighted and put into consideration. We, being at a course that trains us to be well-formed educators of the future, can make a difference by empowering our students to become honest and reliable persons. By teaching them excellent values and instilling in them how significant each of them are in rebuilding our country.
As practitioners of education, we would try to mold our pupils to become responsible, honorable and upright individuals, being able to carry out difficult undertakings in life in preparation as well for their prospects in years to come. By this, we can help in reconstructing our nation and help our fellowmen in the next generation for the betterment of our society.

minsan lang sila bata: movie analysis

2004-07-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Poverty, child labor, juvenile mandatory work is only a few of our country’s problems. We may not be experiencing these dilemmas but for our countrymen, it is rather a different type or kind of story. Moreover, we may not be doing anything to help our less fortunate citizens. This is where the story starts.
The story is about a photographer who has taken pictures of children who are forced to work. Each child exemplifies different stories. Some are forced because their parents are impaired. Some work in replacement of their parents. Some work to earn a living and just to survive each day. How ruthless can Filipino employers are? How can they do this to little children who haven’t even stepped inside a classroom?
Juveniles should not be forced to work for their parents. It is the responsibility of the parents to raise and give good education to their children. Some parents are only staying at home waiting for the salaries of their children. This is rather a wrong practice of Filipinos. Although some mothers and fathers are injured there are other alternatives instead for forcing their children to work.
The story depicts the children in great danger, danger of dying because of stress and pure hard work. It also depicts the hardship of their work and how they are paid for such “adult” jobs. The children where carrying on their backs bags of cement which can suffocate them to death. They will also have asthma as a result of their work. They are not paid equally and appropriately. A little amount is returned for such hard work. Why is this so? There is misemployment not unemployment again in this situation. Rather being at home studying, they are sweating they backs out just for their parents to have food. The children said that they did not have time to play and that sometimes they have nothing to eat. This is another problem, which is called malnutrition. In the story, the children are very skinny individuals with barely anything to wear. No slippers, some with no shelters. Some of them are planning to get away from their parents’ shackles so that they can work for their own.
I have noticed one thing unique about the children. They are so matured and very open minded to such problems. At a very young age, they are already experiencing such hardships. The photographer took shots of the children who are very poorly nourished and she transformed it into art. You can see, as she narrates the story.
Some children are working in the slaughterhouse of pigs. If they have no salaries, they will scrape out the fats on the pigs skin and will sell that to the morning market. They have no rest, they are not even changing their clothes, they done bathe and they don’t brush. They look so dirty in their situation. What is bad about it is that, they are not paid.
We can do something about this as the photographer said we could help these children in need in our special and humble ways. We can also present this problem to our government officials. By these measures, we do not only bring a smile to our hearts but a smile for every child we help as well.

no one here beside

2004-07-01T19:49:00.001-07:00

I
Sometimes I feel alone when I’m not with you
I cry it out each night when you’re not here around
At times I feel so strange I don’t know what to do
To spend a day with you with you again my love

II
I know once in a while you also feel the same
Like being so alone with no one they’re beside
A memory of a time a sweet kiss and a song
Tonight’s the night I’ll hold you here forever more

*Chorus:
Each time that I think of the nights
That we were still together doing right
It’s only now I realize
That there is no one
Here right by my side

III
I just want you to know I’m waiting all the time
I know this could be hard that you would be so far
Across the river bed with lines no longer said
To sweep away the tears of long years those were dead

IV
Reach out to all our dreams a love left so unkind
Tomorrow will come soon so put our fears aside
Sit down and just relax and play this song tonight
My love will never end until the end of time

this time

2004-07-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

I
First time, never have I fell for such an angel so sweet and so kind
Second time around, it’s love that I found
And I can’t explain what I feel inside

*Refrain:
I can never hold myself to thinking of you
This might sound so crazy but I know that it’s true

*Chorus
All this time it was you who gave me love
All this time it was you who never gave up
It was you who showed me
What I can do
What I can be
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

II
This time never have I learn to be much stronger for both you and I
Never have I found so much love in my heart
And I can’t explain what I feel inside

2004-07-01T19:47:00.001-07:00

Whenever we hear the word EDSA, we involuntarily think of a revolution, a rotten governmental system that was put to an end- its last participation of over-controlling a country, our country. We think naturally of the worth it past that the Filipinos has fought for- democracy. But what is true democracy? For some it may be defined as an essential necessity that a certain nation should have. But for some it is more than that. We may see some activist rallying at the middle of the street and shouting democracy but does that person or group of people know what true democracy really is? This is where the column of Mr. Maximo V. Soliven comes in. In democracy we basically think of national peace, which is a wrong cliché. Democracy comes in many different forms and is practiced as well by different people, officials in particular- officials that have discrepancies in their ways of governing. As practitioners of political law, they should perform based on the norms of their field and not acting otherwise. We, the people only work as with the placebo effect of one higher person. If we can see that one is really damn serious about a circumstance, we will act and support that person raging. Still I’m in the quandary. Why is this so? Why the placebo effect? This is normal for Filipinos and based on my research, this phenomenon is centered on superficial beliefs. Meaning if one person comes rallying right in front of Malacañang, others too will prop up and join the “welga”. We have forgotten the real essence of EDSA. As with the late senator Benigno Aquino stated one of his speeches that the “Filipino is really worth dying for”. This is what banded all men in our country. This is what made us unified, one and wholesome. Now, we must act for the betterment of our society so that we can uplift the spirit of EDSA once more-

2002

2004-07-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

"peace is never extinct, it is only dormant"

let's get down

2004-07-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

I
Ahh yeh I wanna sing it with you
Aha Everyday I know what you do
And while I do everything sing with me all the songs we sing
All the time I know what you do (uhh yeh)

*Refrain:
I know what you know
I see what you see
So come, be with me
To this party tonight

*Chorus
Let’s get down to the party tonight
We’re gonna have a great time tonight
Come on and have this fun tonight
In this great great party
Come on everybody let’s go
Let’s have a great great time (2x)

II
Ahh yeh I wanna to dig in with you
Aha Everyday I know what you do
And while I dance to the beat come along and bounce with me
All the time I know what you do (uhh yeh)

goodbye my friend

2004-07-01T19:45:00.001-07:00

I
We’ve always been together
Long years of being friends
But now the time has come
A time we never thought would end

II
We’ve always been together
But now it’s time we part
You will always have
A special place inside my heart

*Refrain:
I’ll never forget the laughter and the tears
I’ll never forget the love we’ve shared through all those (these) years

*Chorus:
Goodbye my friend (2X)
The time has come
And now we’re parting ways
Wherever will I go
My heart will stay with you
Goodbye to you
Goodbye my friend

III
My friend don’t you cry
For this is not the end
Don’t you start to worry
Cause I know that I will see you again

2004-07-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it’s hard to let go on something that seemed to have lasted forever. After all the times that we have been together, why did we let it go?

If I’d only knew better I wouldn’t have just let the rain pour down from the sky. Still I ask the question why, I want you now and so

Let’s start a better one. A new relationship that is simple and kind
One that is true. One that won’t slip our minds
Let us start it all over again. By giving love, by sharing love and by kissing all the pain and past goodbye

Sometimes it’s hard to let go on something that seemed to have lasted forever. After all the times that we have been together, why did we let it go?

If I’d only knew better I wouldn’t have just let the rain pour down from the sky. Still I ask the question why, I want you now and so

Let’s start a better one. A new relationship that is simple and kind
One that is true. One that won’t slip our minds
Let us start it all over again. By giving love, by sharing love and by kissing all the pain and past goodbye

bravery

2004-07-01T19:43:00.001-07:00

“Who dares counterfeit my intellect? Who dares erase my purity and darkens it ten shades of black? Who dares beg for silence when you have not been merciful to me?”

incomplete

2004-07-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve spend a lifetime in your arms
Holding hands for quite sometime
Underneath the clouded skies
It was your smile that caught my eye
And even after all this time
It was you who gave me love

quote

2004-07-01T19:42:00.001-07:00

“No one has the right to tell you if you’re brilliant or not. Brilliance comes from what you have accomplished overtime and making it last forever.”

2nd year college…April 18, 2004

2004-07-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have learned that many people will come into your life. Some may touch your heart, some would be your enemies, some will support you all the way and there are those who are full of pretensions. You may never know who is a snake or not. You can never tell who is making a face behind your back. I know one thing is for sure; I had never kept bad feelings inside me. I love all of those who, for one moment in my life have crossed paths with me.
I have also learned the joys and passion of every minute of my life, because once I have fulfilled my purpose here in this world, I have no reason or means of rewinding it back to ground zero. I have all the right to get mad, but that is not my nature. My nature is to forgive those of which I have hurt, and settle any ill feelings towards my “enemies”, if there are.

a life for me to see

2004-07-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

I don’t consider myself as a grandiose sex effigy. I am “happy”. I hate to admit it but I can’t hide it anymore. All my life I have been treated roughly. My parents made decisions. Not to mention that I had three step fathers. I just want to make a difference in the world. I want to enjoy life to the fullest while I can still bear the temptation of suicide. Well sometimes it spills my head and the next thing I know I have a knife in my right hand ready to stab my young and not to mention in good condition heart. I consider myself unique. I have a lot of talents to show the world. The only drawback is that I’m at the wrong place, wrong time, and with the wrong family. Well, I don’t condemn them for raising me up like this but I think I’m a little bit of a naughty boy to say that I don’t love them. I’m not a brat and definitely not spoiled. I was brought up being ghastly and eventually growing to be a bitch. I want to be a bitch. I mean not having sex every night but rather being a sluttish person. I would like to see myself working at a fashion institute or maybe at the top floor of the world’s number one advertising company doing nothing but sluggishly sightseeing the view just outside my window, receiving a monthly income more than I deserve. I want to have 3 kids. It’s not like I’m “happy” I cannot have children of my own. I want to swerve in the natural means of sharing a bed with the opposite sex and hopefully enjoying it at a hundred percent. In the same sense I want to be normal. I’ve sometimes asked myself if I was abnormal. Was there something wrong with me? I mean was there in any aspect of life that it seems to be a waterloo of mine? Physically, emotionally, socially, sexually, psychologically, physiologically? I’m just wondering what a great help having a girl for a night would be? Would it change me? Would my life be altered? Straight, if you know what I mean? I don’t think so. I believe in being born homosexual. Maybe the best thing of being like me is having the best of both poles. I mean we can have the softness of a woman and at the same time be man like in our ways. In one aspect, we can be parents and be one. Get it? It is so embarrassing at times to be called “happy”. That is only when you know you can’t have that guy shouting at you! Just kidding. I think I understand men more than women. It’s not that I hate the female clitoris, but let’s just say that I’ve seen so much more than I know about parts of manhood. I keep a lot of friends. That’s my greatest asset. Although my parents try to keep me away from my friends, I still manage to go with the flow. Being normal in some other way. Many say I have a great sense of humor. That’s why I have a lot of girl friends. But not as many “happy” men I’ve known through out my life. I feel so strange people don’t get to understand homosexuality and bisexuality. By the way, I’m a bisexual. It means I love both sexes but more on the testosterone side. Its like a 60 40 proportion. At a young age I have discovered that estrogen runs in my blue blood. I’m a mixture of Espanola, American, and Filipino and off course an unfair mix of a Girl Scout blood and a member of the fraternity blood. I can be really tough at times I mean I can beat up any boy or girl in sight when he or she pisses me off. I get feisty sometimes. At the lowest extent I can be like a cute little kitten, being a sweetheart just to anybody I would meet. I can be entertaining and perverted but I see to it that my feminine side controls me because I feel more like a woman when I’m imaging sex. I see myself having the woman having a 36-24-36 vital statistics and having sex with the most handsome guy in the universe like maybe Marc Nelson or David Boreanoz. I sometimes feel imaginative. Like being captured by galaxy gays and space studs from another planet ready to have sex with me in the coziest bed in the milky way. I would love to put some spice into my life. I never imagined myself committing suicide. I can never die like that. Out of misery and distress.

I love rock n’ roll. But I love Spanish language even better. I love sorts of stuff that only my friends know and some of them, they don’t even know. I love shouting. It releases my temper and all the anxiety inside. I love to draw and paint just about anything. I love meeting other people and keeping them company and making them laugh even if the joke seems a little perverted at times. I love to watch the television and I can really be a couch potato sometimes. I really love French fries. I love tomato and not banana ketchup. I love to break dance. I love to sing a few notes that are high and even impersonate famous singers and some actors and actresses and political personalities. I love looking up and gazing unto the countless stars. I love sex…….and the city of course. I love the story and the characters and the point of a lot of the episodes. My favorite color is red. My favorite movie of all time is the interview with the vampire. God, look at the line of characters. I can die if Brad Pitt would date me. I would see to it that he never leaves my sight even for a nano of a second. He makes my face blush 800 shades of red and pink and whatever you call it. I’m not ordinary. I would want to endorse peace to everybody before I die. I want to help those less privileged like me before. I would want to ensure them a better yet simple life in the future. Well if peace will reign in the world, I can really die then knowing that it would be a better place for the next generations.

sana'y malapit na

2004-07-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

minsa'y iniisip ko: paano kaya kung mamatay na ako bukas, mamaya, ngayon? nakakatindig-balahibo mang isipi'y di natin matatakasan ang kamatayan. iniisip ko din kung paano ako mamamatay. ayaw kong malunod, masunog, malaglag sa isang gusali, mabaril, mabug-bog, mabangga, bangungutin at lahat ng posibilidad na pagkamatay ay ayaw ko.

wala bang namamatay ng walang nararamdaman? kung mero'y ibubuwis ko mismo ang aking buhay para dito. para matapos na ang aking paghihirap at kalbaryo dito sa mundo.

bakit pa ginawa ng diyos na masakit ang pagkamatay ng mga tao? may diyos nga ba para gumawa at bumawi sa buhay sa sinasabing pinahiram lang sa atin? ano pa ang silbi ng pagbibigay ng buhay, kung tayo'y mamatay din lamang? ano ang saysay ng pagkuha ng diyos sa ating buhay?

wala ba tayong karapatang mamuhay ng panghabang-buhay? wala na ba talagang punto ang panginoon sa ating mga buhay?

tangina, kung papipiliin ako'y sana'y di nalang ako nabuhay kung babawiin din lang pala ito ng di ko kilalang tao. mas matatanggap ko pa kung kilala ko ang babawi sa aking buhay kaysa panghabang-buhay akong nagtatanong kung sino siya, ano ang itsura niya at kung saan niya dadalhin ang aking kaluluwa.

naniniwala ako na may kabilang espasiyo para sa mga kaluluwa. isang masayang lugar na walang batas at mga kabawalan. malaya lahat ng mga tao.

minsan ay akin ding inisip sa kung saan nagmula ang konsepto ng takot sa pagkamatay. dahil ako'y takot, hindi ako preparado para sa aking pagkamatay, siguro ay dahilan ito sa di paniniwala sa diyos, ngunit hindi mo ako masisisi kung ganito ang aking iniisip.

takot dahilan sa wala pang saysay ang aking buhay, di pa ito kumpleto at hindi pa ito buong-buo.

kahit kaila'y di ko makakayanang humiwalay sa mundong ito, hanggang ngayon lamang, na isinulat ko ito, na ako'y may lakas na at nagkaroon ng katapangang mamatay.

kahit kailan itakda ang aking huling hininga'y matatanggap ko na ito.

habang ika'y nasasaktan

2004-07-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

paano kung ang iyong minamahal
ay hindi tapat sa iyo
tatalikuran mo ba siya
o pipiliting bumalik sa iyo?

masakit man ay hindi maiwasan
na ang puso ang umiral
utak ma'y patakbuhi'y
pinipigilan ito ng pagmamahal.

kung ika'y magpapapansin
aakalai'y hibang
nasaan na ba ang pag-ibig
at ang tunay nitong puwang?

nasa pagbibigayan ba?
o nasa pagtanggap
ng pagmamahal na sa
huli'y magiging masaklap.

mahalin ka ma'y
di ito pinapakita
paano mo pipilitin
ang pusong nakasara?

paano ka liligaya
kung di mo maramdaman
ang pag-ibig na hindi
naman sa iyo nakalaan?

ika'y umiiyak ng
wala namang dahilan
sisisihi'y pag-big sa
kasalukuya'y ika'y nasasaktan.

mali man o hindi
ayaw mo nang isipin
kung sino ba ang
iyong dapat mahalin

masakit dahil mahal mo siya
masakit dahil ako-
ang nasasaktan dahilan
sa paghihintay sa iyo.

2004-07-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

kahit sino ay pwede na sa akin, dahil sa katayuan ko ngayon ay wala ng tatanggap sa akin, bilang isang kaibigan, bilang isang tao. wala na akong magagawa pa doon dahil iyon ay matagal ng lumipas. tandang tanda ko pa ang mga panahong, madami akong kaibigan.. napakasarap, parang wala ng bukas, gastos dito gastos doon, walang humpay ang paggastos.

ngayon ngayon ko lang napagisipan na ang pagkakaibigan ay di umiikot sa pera, at lalong hindi ito umiikot sa pakikisama. kung totoo kang kaibigan, hindi mo pipiliting magbago ang mga kinakasama mo. hindi mo din papaikutin ang mga ulo nila.

masakit mang isipin ay nangyari ang lahat ng ito sa akin. bilang na bilang ko ang mga tunay na kaibigan ko sa isang kamay lamang.

minsan ay nasa aking mga guni-guni ang lumipas na pagkakaibigan. ang mga tawanan, palitan ng mga nakakatuwang komento sa halos lahat ng bagay, iyakan kapag mayroong bagsak na grado, utangan kapag nagugutom ang isa, pangongopya sa loob ng eskwelahan, pagbibigay ng payo, pagbubugawan sa mga gimikan, panglalait sa mga taong di namin kilala, ang pag-tambay ng ilang oras na wala namang ginagawa kundi magkwentuhan, magyosi at minsa'y umiinom, pagbibigay puri sa aming mga sarili, pagtetext ng mga "quotes" halos araw-araw at higit sa lahat and matagal naming pagsasama bilang magkakaibigan.

marahil ay ganito talaga ang naka-takda para sa amin- ang magkahiwalay sa di inaasahang panahon.

sa pagkakataong ito ay hindi maramdaman awa, galit, poot, himutok at inis, dahilan sa para sa akin ay, mas napabuti ang daloy ng aking buhay, wala ng sagabal sa aking gustong makamit sa buhay.

gustuhin ko mang ibalik ang aming pagkakaibigan, ay malabo naring mangyari ito. dahil sa napakalayo na nga agwat ng paguugali naming lahat. mas tumanda ang aming mga pagiisip sa mga bagay-bagay. gustuhin ko man, ay napaka imposible narin nitong mangyari. hindi na nila nararamdaman ang pag-aaruga ko sa kanila, hindi narin nila maramdaman ang pagmamahal na ibinuhos ko sa aming pagkakaibigan.

wala ng gustong magpatalo sa kani-kanilang mga opiniyon. wala ng gustong magparaya. dati-rati nama'y maayos ang daloy ng aming pagkakaibigan, ngunit bakit ngayo'y parang dumi nalang ito na itinapon sa tabi ng daan?

nawala narin ang aking pagsisi. alam ko ang bunga ng hiwalayan ay dahilan sa hindi pagkakaunawaan ng grupo. hindi ko rin sila masisisi.

kailanma'y hindi ako nagsinungaling, naging-plastik, nandaya at lalong hindi ako nanloko ng kahit isa sa aking mga kaibigan. siguro ay hindi lang nila nakita ang mga ginawa ko para lang maibalik ang aming pagkakaibigan.

hanggang ngayon ay umaasa parin na magkabati-bati na kaming lahat, alisin ang galit at sakit na nararamdaman at ibaon ito sa limot.

ang kahapon ay ibalik, ang ngayo'y pagyamanin ang ang hinaharap ay huwag pilitin. hayaan natin na maghilom ang mga sugat ng kahapon, at pagwastuhin muli ang pagsasamang nabuwal sa hindi ko man maintindihan na dahilan.

sana ay ganito rin ang nararamdaman nila.

milk of pure kindness

2004-06-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

from birth to stone
to my epithet
will i ever be
greater than god?

beyond the clouds
a wolf's cry
of freedom
for a taste of vanity
and seclusion

a tar on my teeth
a stain on my robe
i must kiss my
mother's breasts

for it is where i took
a breath of squalid life
-a life of my own

i took no succinct doubt
on my existence

for i am here in this
world to succumb to
human temptations
of milk and prudence

where is my overflowing cup?

platinum country

2004-06-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

my country is solid
solid as a rock
like the mountains
of Apo and Sierra Madre
i have pride in
my country

demi-gods of our own
i take superciliousness
for my country

a rich culture
of different dialects
yet united as one

a prim gathering
of civilized races
and to where intellect
submerges in an ocean
of prolific life

an army of rats to
be exterminated
by the book we
survived History
and regained our confidence
by our faith

only one riddle to be solved-
-where are all the credits
i have just stated now?

smidgen retort from love

2004-06-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

conceivably a place to hide
from a phantom i once called love

pertinent if it is lissome
yet irerelevant if it is at large
i abhorred the dreary
end of my demise

i want more
more threat
more smite

hit me with a reply
with a response

i am not compensated
with dubious cuts of
the fallible terrain
of my heart

i want it to be despotic
i want scant and
detailed answers

i want a derelict parcel
of your response

my heart aches with amnesty

for when can i cover this tinge?
up to now, still of no despair
from a phantom i once called love

the sagittarius' turn

2004-06-30T04:53:00.000-07:00

when the archer is mad
he prepares his bow and arrows
clings on hard to his weapon
with his chin up and a bow

he strikes one apple
followed by a pierce
on the paper he made
and so he was fierce

with vicious brows
and eyes on fire
he slid through
one of the wires

he then challenged
the gemini knight
with a fight
to end this night

the knight missed
and so did
the sagittarius
then a bliss

the zodiacs
laughed profusely
not expected
and suddenly

the sagittarius
brought out
a spare golden
arrow, like a sprout

he hit the knight
and blood came
he drank it and
gave it a name

his victory
proved his strength
and into the
castle he went

the princess
was dressed in pink
and he got her
from a blink

they died
after just a year
and the kingdom
was flooded with tears

the end of
the sagittarius
had to be in
some way vicarious

for he was
a man of vigor
yet he lost
by his powers

people then
denied his might
and showered the
town with spite

that was the
end of his story
a once cursed
land of glory

flower in the midnight rain [fourth of ten]

2004-06-29T22:02:00.000-07:00

to dwindle is
to swerve in my
tangerine hill
and to serve
is to present me in
cleanliness

never rekindle
my senses
for insipid
are my buds

growth is
almost impossible
to attain
and my branches
are curtailed

aspired nothing
what i want
but what i
seem to
have wanted

i had been fluid
fluid as the
drizzling rain
on my leaves
down to my roots
and unto
the center
of my bark

i waited for
the monsoon
of change
of endeavor

for a wreath
is unrelenting
and i am withering fast...

hear the voice [by william blake]

2004-06-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

hear the voice of the Bard,
who present, past, and future, sees;
whose ears have heard
the Holy Word
that walk'd among the ancient trees;

calling the lapsèd soul,
and weeping in the evening dew;
that might control
the starry pole,
and fallen, fallen light renew!

'o Earth, O Earth, return!
arise from out the dewy grass!
night is worn,
and the morn
rises from the slumbrous mass.

'turn away no more;
why wilt thou turn away?
the starry floor,
the watery shore,
is given thee till the break of day.'

belted estuary

2004-06-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

from my river to your ocean
-an estuary of grimaces.
to settle at your sediments
-a parsimonious undertaking
cancerous pebbles float at
-my bank
aside are butterflies
-getting its suspension from
-the sultry breeze of the afternoon gale.

your ocean is a haven of beatitudes
taboo is to rest at your sand
to take sight of your
waves and iridescent ferns and corals
-a tsunami ingests
all that is low, obnoxious, unsecured
-horrid and dwindling…
seagulls fly over mine
while flamingos, herons and eagles
roam around yours.

clouds of storm build up mine
hurried with dismay
while rainbows and glitters
parade at your valor.
your may exhibits omniscient
capacities, and mine
-limited barricades of goats and
grass-eating, undomesticated
hideous beings.
yours is a fawn, and mine are screams.

we met at the estuary
and the current- smoother than smooth
fish go docile and mud shifted
from soil-brown to gleaming sunburst yellow
your multihued rainbow bridged onto my shore.
a deferment that is but the ordinary
a crazy zealot of tints mesmerized-
an inexhaustible chronicle played
by an estuary from pole to pole…

below zero

2004-06-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

when the loneliness is palpable
heal the heart of despairs' antidote
bodies at war and the venom
is that which i could not comprehend

-to maintain as a cane
with bitter juice
if not to serve as a tundra
of sickness and snakes
the organ is sensing
a sound from the stacks of hay

from a meadow of exasperration
to a blowing biome of emptiness.
a plot of hell
a plot of mankind

the earth is my weight
the sky as my burden
and the stars as thumb tacks
to my intact cadaver...
solid and stationary
frozen and below zero...

PaRt 0nE: a poem for a poet [from and by irene of friendster]

2004-06-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

First glimpse at your words of art
It caught her emotions,it triggered her heart
Your every letter became her mystery
Your every line revealed ur identity

In a secluded place she then made her creation
For her to scribble her own dephts of emotion
With its simplicity,it doesnt have perfection
Hopeless she say "I know it wont catch ur attention"

As the blackness of d ink stained d whiteness of the paper
Flashback of ur masterpieces steals her concentration
Could it be shes just curious about its creator
Or shes only behind a wall of affection

A wall that separates yourr world and hers
She knows thy same path you wont ever cross
And the possibilities to watch you write ur unforgettable verses
She could only imagine as her eyes closes

After a few moments shell be back to reality
But there are still seconds to write her last stanza
The fact that a poet read her words of drama
Leads a hidden face to be outshamed and happy

Now what she pleads is gratitude
For a poet whom she adores thy attitude
For the time and effort he have spent
Just for a simple poem he accidentally opened

a stitch in memory

2004-06-25T02:58:00.000-07:00

need i translate his insinuation for love
must i owl the whole night to know his real intentions? a bizarre enevelope of mosquitoes
is pulling me back- i need a net
i need safety and a pack of cigars

so i can finish this embroidery of mine
an ambulance with yellow lights
passing my way- so fast
a nearby restaurant and blue ink
a fan making delicate strikes in the wind
creating a small turbulence

every stitch, i think of him
every stroke of my needle
every insertion i make on the cloth
reminds me of him

the ashtray near my desk
is choking with cigarette butts
ah- a sense of fulfilled ecstasy
impending horror carries
my eyes to sleep- yet even before
i still carry with me, a picture
of us to bed-

his name, reminds me of a one-forgotten youth
of being a fool- my own sensible excuse
of loving him

sometimes i ask- to whom this laundry belongs to
and why all the lingeries have marks of blood?

a rottiserie of my digits
my bones are shacking
i couldn't sleep at all
my eyes were as brilliant as the hope diamond
from an orange topaz to a shining diamond

i remember the night when
he puzzled me with his beauty
i have waited oh so long for one kiss
yet destiny dictates separation
though far apart-

i continued my stitching
now on his nose
purple sleeves and a robe of luxury
he was rich in compaasion
and abounding in love

he is my king- until now
and i will never be his queen
just a servant in his castle
a mistress of some sort
near completion
a strand of hair i have kept
and smelling it brings back the memories
a tattoo that cycles my entire body
the last stitch and i saw his face...

the lobotomy of Mr. Witherforth

2004-06-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

vis-à-vis his intelligence- priceless
his manor, his properties, his funds
unquestionably over the limit
he found no reason to expire
but he found his laboratory
an aged space of despondency

leading to his room was a staircase
of seventeen steps and is carpeted red
the wooden brink of the set of steps,
polished with oil with a scent of chamomile

the threshold to the laboratory needed an
identification and only he can enter- and a few
once inside, he sat at the lobotomy chair
wondering if he should continue the process
of human actualization and testing

the next day, the police found his body
next to the chair, who did it?
i’ll never know, for I was only his assistant
who left after looking at his eyes the moment
he told me I should hand him a gun
we where only three inside the room
Mr. Witherforth, myself and a third
i don’t know of. He went inside the moment
i left the room…

scrutiny from a first born

2004-06-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

it is a story of knowing and not knowing
wanting and not wanting
silence and the breaking of silence

is it better to keep quite or make noise?
what is the point of making noise?

it is just
a façade of being liberal
of repressed and subdued emotions
it is unusual to be kind
nature dictates us to be insecure
we were born out of aggression
belligerence is what identifies us humans.

born in a world
where rallies are institutionalized
disregarded obligations and responsibilities
and calls for equality and rights
fighting without a cause
coaxed by mere promises
pent up fury

confront us with silence
remembrance and souvenirs
from our own history
repeated over and over and over again

how can nothingness expand the boundaries of space?
how can life-long dreams suddenly turn into ashes?

it’s a story of self-realization and self-defiance
of wanting and not receiving
of silence and bringing forth peace

bereavement of an old man on his wheelchair

2004-06-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

stop right there, I shall start my rendition
(a long pause and he began)
jarring noises below my pane
on my fingers, look -jaundice
and the burden of three injections
my oxygen tank, nearly out of gas
and the air is stiff of dust
i am hardly breathing
just waiting the end of an
afternoon of total nothingness
overlooking the crowd
outside my window
the small cupboard near the sink
chock-full of spider webs
and my bed, hardly anyone slept on
is full of filth and grime
i coughed innumerable times this day
and the phlegm inside my chest
i can equate to the color
of a soldiers camouflaged pants
of different shades of green and black
see my bin? Taut of phlegm, isn’t it?
the dishes thickened by the grease
the smear on the glasses
makes it opaque, even the lampposts outside
i am left transparent in this cold afternoon
the clock above signals me the night
on my wheelchair I sat languidly
so idle, so sluggish and a sentiment of loath for time
and a petite robin passes my window every other day
feeding on the specks of rice I am serving
early in the morning, it flies away after gobbling it all
just like time, gobbling all that is left of me
(then another pause, the pausing continued)
i guess I am a little scatty sometimes...

the case of the introvert

2004-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

his pores went away with the rain
those footsteps on the ground
showed no marks

the start is unending
the sidewalk is empty
the park with no passers by
the play ground with no gleeful children
the trees did not mingle with the seeds
the wind did not care at all
the falling leaves went straight down
the cars were parked in parallel- all black
the smoke from the manhole- malodorous
the lamps with gleam lights
the grass without a single dew
the moon is gibbous and full of craters
the buildings were tattered
the walls full of graffiti
the road with spits and garbage
the sight a wasteland
the taste more awful than a bitter gorge
the presence is none
the call is uninviting
the feeling is boring and
the end is at a near...

third impulse

2004-06-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

that pin on my head
stands erect, tantamount to the
great mountains of the east
that knife on my chest
-a proof of burden
glue to that moment
that froze twice
at one single ice age
post more, the message-
that blessing comes forth
with a pool of
responsibilities-
and vows are to be broken
like a glass that fell
twenty flight of stairs.
that window to your stars
are simply creeks of
your blood that searches
for a mercy hand.
that degree
that temperature
that third impulse...

when i get there

2004-06-22T02:06:00.000-07:00

when i get there
i want you to be with me
when i get there
i want you to hold me tight
all along in the night
o, it feels so right

but this useless daydream of mine cannot be true
coz' only god knows how and why im longing for you

chorus:
even though you're not around
even though you make me feel down
even though now we're apart
i will see you in my dream
i hope that you could be with me sometimes
even though you're only on my mind
even though i can't call you mine
i will see you in my dreams
when i get there

when i get there
i want you to feel my love
when i get there
i want you to share with me
all the blessings we had
o, i feel so glad

help me find my destiny for us to be together
open the gates of love and heaven for me

still im saying [that i love you]

2004-06-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

there's something inside me
that is telling me, we're not meant to be
but still im saying that i love you
tried to keep myself away from everything that's true

standing alone in the dark without you
by my side and you not holding me tight
listen to these words that i say
i want to feel your love
won't you please let it be that way?

chorus:
tell me, why did you have to break my heart
tell me, was there somehting wrong with the love that i gave you
tell me, why did you have to give it all up and
tell me, was it something i've done, why not make it all up as one

show me what is to you
coz' im confused deep inside
now i don't know what to do
im longing for your touch once again
but now that i'm so alone all
i can do is just think of you

love is so unkind, it did not give us the time
to know just how would things
work out for the rest of our lives
i wanted for you just to be mine
but now its too late to
turn back the hands of time

i am free

2004-06-22T01:57:00.001-07:00

before i thought you were only mine
and that our plans would come in time
and i always knew you were there for me
oh baby, why can't you see

and you thought that i was hurt, no
thought that i was blind
and you thought that i was scared with
this feeling inside, oh babe

you're not the only one for me
don't be such a wannabe
boy you know that i am free
oh babe, don't tell me
what you feel inside
why don;t you just say goodbye
i just want you to know
that im still free, baby, uh-oh, yeh

and now i know you're not meant for me
oh, baby, i hope you will see
that the promises that you always make
are broken just beacause of you baby

untitled song

2004-06-22T01:57:00.000-07:00

I can tell it
When you close your eyes
You realize
It’s not me you’re thinking of
And you’re hurting me so bad
I cannot love you anymore

I remember way back when
You told me that you cared
And now it’s all clear to me
You never meant what you said

I should now

Walk away from here and
Tell you that I feel
So bad that your are not here
I know you don’t love me
But I can tell from a heart
That I truly love you
And I want you to know that I really do

Inside your heart
I know your wondering
How could it be?
That we are so alike
And though you yearn for answers
Still some questions linger in your mind

And if forever seems to be timeless
I’d tell to, you’re the one I’m thinking of
And it is in my heart that you will always be
A promise that I once made for me to love

June 2002

2004-06-22T01:56:00.001-07:00

Love is a time after ones defeat. It is not merely gaining on one another. It is about building a strong foundation to uplift a relationship. Everyone can experience it. Never have I felt anything more than love. It is effervescent and bubbly and whatever you may call it.

Why does everyone have to lie? Who can I trust now that I have experienced love? I can therefore conclude that love also means trust. Trust that is the foundation to a good relationship...

But what happens if one betrays the other? I guess that is the end of what I call love…it is true that love is patient… but not as always… things may go rather smoothly at the start but as time eventually goes you will see what I am talking about.

Ever felt longing for your loved one? Ever cried just knowing that you are miles apart? Ever did something that lead you to ask yourself why am I still alive? These questions lead me to the quandary as well… I have distorted my health for the person I love...

Pain is love and love is pain….that is very true…. It basically applies in my life… however you may consider it….

for raplh

2004-06-22T01:56:00.000-07:00

Each time I lay down my bed, I think of you, the sweat of lust flowing in your aura. The luscious taste of an endless desire, I seem to have long for you all my life. I linger for your touch; I sense burning passion deep within your body.
Each time I see you, I melt at the spot. Just the thought of you, makes my heart skip a beat and you make my cheeks change into a hundred shades of red. I always dream of you holding me in your arms, kissing me and exchanging a burst of infatuation. I know that this is only an infatuation, but I can no longer hold back my feelings.
Each time I find the courage to approach you, I feel as though my hands are tied, because you seem silent and shy. Though I only smile when you pass by, I hope you will realize that it is you I desire.
Each time I look into your eyes, I feel time is of no matter. I hope you won’t take this badly; this letter is just to inform you that I like you. I just want to let this feeling out. I can’t keep it anymore. It might sound mushy to you but this is how I feel about you. Don’t think that this is a malicious note; it’s just that I cannot keep this feeling up my sleeves anymore. You intrigue me with your every move, till I am breathless and helpless, I can’t keep my cool. I can’t help my infatuation though I know it is pure infatuation. I am caught between my mind and what I feel inside. A part of me wants to hide, should I risk this time, because I can’t resist it, this has caught me by surprise. I don’t know what I feel anymore.
Each time you smile at me, I can’t help but to fall on my knees. I have managed to not fall for you, but you’re the closest person to have made me love. I don’t know what is it with you that I like. This letter is not a prank to piss you off, but rather a friendly letter to inform you that I really like you. I hope that we can be friends.

Liam Agoncillo cliche qoutation

2004-06-22T01:55:00.001-07:00

You have never experienced love if you have not experienced getting hurt…

11/11/03

2004-06-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

Knowledge bombarded with all means bigotry is still unquestionably feasible.

quotation...

2004-06-22T01:54:00.000-07:00

No person is forever wrong. In time, he searches for reliable knowledge to correct and defend his misdemeanors.

10/27/03 early morning

2004-06-22T01:53:00.002-07:00

Some thoughts don’t last forever that we simply must forget their significance.

trivial

2004-06-22T01:53:00.001-07:00

Better yet don’t lie if you feel wrong about yourself...

quote...

2004-06-22T01:53:00.000-07:00

Seeing the beauty of a person
Is looking through the significance of his existence…

11:10 a.m.

2004-06-22T01:52:00.001-07:00

Time elapses as we breathe and as we breathe, we change lives...

September 18, 2003… 11:05 AM after Bennigans’ Outing

2004-06-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

Friendship is not merely an exchange of hearts…but rather a lifelong bond of lives

nothing to do

2004-06-22T01:51:00.000-07:00

exactly 12:00 a.m., feeling a tad tired because of my cold and bad cough, not to mention stress at school...remembering my saturday night car escapade with my ex bf named shabs.. every minute detail have i remembered and kept...nothing is better than having sex with your ex..but as they say, sex with an ex can be depressing, if its good, you don't have it anymore, if its bad, you just had sex with an ex...for me its a rather sticky subject made stickier by the fact that he already has 4 kids and 2 wives up his sleeve. though it seems like im a home-wrecker, i beg to disagree...he wanted it, why would i negate at having sex with him. i hate rejection, and i just thought, "josh, if you reject shabs' offer, he will feel rejected" and a follow up thought, "he will no longer go out with you". that simple thought scares the shit out of me...i take pride in knowing that this ex of mine is very handsome guy...a bit of a shag: he looks like kc montero, but a lot better body-wise... not that muscular, but definitely better that kc montero...the scent of his sweat, the taste of his bodily lust... how can god forgive me for having been 18 and having an affair with a 28 year old committed guy? what can i say, sex is better, the countless time around...nothing to do, but reminisce...a once faded relationship, growing buds of its own....im not afraid of his wife, not even his whole family...the only thing im afraid of is myself......-end-

memoirs of time

2004-06-22T01:49:00.001-07:00

it is imperatively inevitable for time to go clockwise and simply uncontrollable to stop and twist it counterclockwise. if it did, this wouldn't even have existed; to touch lives
to serve as a sermon. with a voice. thankful as i am for time is so cruel- coz without
cruelty, there's no heroism. no hurt implies no knowledge. no hurt implies not moving on
so be thankful. that time was given and be grateful for we even have time to help us die in this world full of ambiguity, shame and idleness.

upon great wherewithal

2004-06-22T01:49:00.000-07:00

to take arms against the inconsistency of time seems to be proving itself with great wherewithal. a prize is to be won- to whom shall last- hail the rice...scatter all that encompasses death and with utmost warranty shall i spare my life. my monstrosity separates myself from any contemporaries...to when my body will live and rest?
i hope not sporadically.

until then...

2004-06-22T01:48:00.000-07:00

much of what i know now is useless for at this very moment my time for sure is at a short
until this era, it is rarely invoked of how life is beyond the boarders of heaven and underneath the fires of hell..till then, i shall find out, but to no avail can i go back
and share the experience. hence, i know it would be of a great shock for me...im not afraid though i am in regret, in regret of what lies ahead of me and what chances are for me to be still in this world, coping and living each day of my life it is only imperative that i must spoil it in usage...

question before suicide

2004-06-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

regard these mirrors as false hopes
then and there, yet you're the reflection
a mole of strength is greater
than an army of skin
sunken gardens and labyrinths
of the human life

serves as the epitaph
while marble stones parallel
to the coffin of a dead
leaks with water from
a graveyard afar
hesitant to say goodbye
so long! begotten soul of futile dwarfs
mushrooms in my backyard
stepped on by the feet of my neighbors
a flush of one touch and
click is the sound of day

darkness covers the tremors below
and earthquakes play their
cards on this earth's mantle and
crust- cracklings from the old market
so pungent and stale
need i stay long?

faux call from heaven

2004-06-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

my foes planned this
with precision
something has grown
a crown of devils
up on heavens waiting shed
in line where they
for once i have waited
in line as well for the crown
a speaker of backgrounds
showed immeasurable and superb powers

the art is fading fast
but the paint is jading slow.

my friends betrayed
me for this with an acute disease
that which spreads inside my veins
at rates faster than i could say BASTARDS!

numbers of blissful agony
engraved in their trays
trays of cowardice, despair,
betrayal and serving those unto my
innocent, clean and untouched mouth.

to be vulgar is to be the oil
that ignites my torch

how could she have done this from
just one faux call from heaven...

a smoke for patrick

2004-06-21T02:49:00.000-07:00

here is to broken promises
and unresolved sentences
here is to the next step
unto a wet and slippery road ahead
where none was a word,
nothing was a phrase and
never is forever

have i not been perfect?
i, who clinched you with
wide golden arms
i, who hurled all your
threats and mishaps

never did you recognize
for your are nothing
but a fog of deceit...
a smog of a faux call for love.
the worst symbol
of melancholy
a situation to which i
myself did not handle well

your work is none
my cares are eternal
your totem pole misses one head

search yourself,
for when you search of me
i shall be gone never...

dormant chance

2004-06-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

was a story of a boy
who at age five saw his corpse.
where noise was, he prowled
with an unexpected pounce.
suddenly grabs the sharp edges
of an old-rusted gutter, his hands
full of paper cuts, his body
tantamount to his carcass
and beneath him, a fiery
and sweltering grave
he prayed for another chance,
yet none-taken
his history, erased
till now was a story of a boy.

a run to road red

2004-06-21T02:39:00.001-07:00

Whenever I see you
Memories of the past scatter around
Whenever I see you
I ask myself, what is it I have found?

Is it love?
Or is its just another heartache?
Is it the truth?
When will I ever be awake?
Awake to the fact that
I can never have you
Awake to the fact that
You have another that loves you

I peel away my life’s significance
As I have forsaken my soul
I throw away my being
As a proof of what I left is my own

11/06/03
6:59 p.m.

delivery by heart

2004-06-21T02:38:00.001-07:00

What if I was never born?
Would you have been born too?
Is so what is this life for,
If I’ll spend it without you?

Where was I when you were here?
Would it have been different before?
Is so I still on my ache to say
Why am I here? What is this life for?

Why is god so cruel to me?
Why is time so unfair to me?
If so why am I here to love
To love you forever yet I expect nothing to be

Did you tell me to stay?
Or was I mistaken?
Is so let my eyes lie
To the fact that you are really taken

Did we cross paths?
Or was it just I?
If so must I be on my time
To forever be saying goodbye?

I’ve spend a lifetime in your arms
Holding hands for quite sometime
Underneath the clouded skies
It was your smile that caught my eye
And even after all this time
It was you who gave me love

orientation to the dawn

2004-06-21T02:38:00.000-07:00

As we speak, the sun rises from the east
And time slows down, as you pass by
I understand my life I comprehend the risks
That brings forth my sunshine, thus my supply

I sleep in your behalf to grasp the wrist of joy
I kiss the moonlight shadow that gazes from me below

Seeing stars and one-celled organisms
It’s all done with lenses… sir voc’s lecture…

I love the way you look into my eyes
The soft passion of truth unsaid
Though no words expressed what you felt inside
No other heart can get you out of my head

kiss of fools

2004-06-21T02:37:00.001-07:00

He lurks by night
And caresses me with his eyes
A look of some slight
And I melt at his sight

He touches me with sense
And I feel passion burning
I taste his lust
And keep to myself my yearning

His lips touches mine
While his hands explore my body
I hugged him gently
But to him I was nobody

He wanted me for love
Yet he wanted no love
He was inside of me
As the lights went off

So unfathomable it was
That I bawled a moan
His sweat went down
While our love had grown

It seemed so endless
Yet time is so cruel
He stopped with a kiss
And I felt like a fool

He spoiled my night
As he swiftly went away
And left a note saying
I am done with you today

untitled

2004-06-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

When will you and I leave this cruel word?
When will you spend forever with me?
I resist the pressure and calm my self down to thinking
That you will, search for me in time.
I expect nothing of you, but I long for something
Something not within reach, something unusual
Come to think of it, I myself don’t know what I covet
But if this is to make you dense, ten I will play my part

I seek comfort in your hands
I hanker the savor of your existence
I admire the flavor of your contours
I rummage around the crevices of your body
I desire the passion of your love
I search for answers that shackles my soul
I hunt for a ground of relief in your instant
I hunger for the tang of your fret
I ache for your burden inside
I yearn for the sweat of success
I long for your heed and concern
I fumble in to the past to find myself
I scrabble to seek the best in me
I clutch myself to spend the most of my lifetime
I grab every opportunity along the way
I seize each moment to be with you
I grasp every hand helping me
I delve unto chances
I reward myself with respect
I probe on something new
I prod with my will

10/06/03

knife

2004-06-21T02:36:00.000-07:00

Am I a dream?
Or am I just dreaming?
I ask of you to help me find
What it is that once was blind

Who is it that I see in the mirror?
Who is it here with me?
Is it just I?
Or is it true that I have been with you?

I feel so deprived
I feel so dismantled
I ache inside
Yet I’m not burning outside

I remember a sudden time
That once you and I
Had a reverie for something time could not erase
You broke my sigh and said I love you
I cried and you clasp your hand with mine
You held me tight as I said I love you too
But you said you had another

Someone more important
Someone more close
Someone you had, in time, promised to be with
I ask why are you doing this to me?
Who am I to you, I say who am I to you?
You said that I am someone special

So special that you could not explain what you feel
I was bursting in tears as you kissed me in my lips
You embraced me, and I could not imagine you out of my life
I told you that I would never love anyone else
You said that I must move on and forget about you

I turned my back on you
Thinking that I have been hurt badly
Since the time you held my hand and promised forever
I never thought you would lie

I was alarmed by what you said
But as they say I must get going
Take the next necessary step

And that is to forget
But I’ll never stop loving you
I’ll wait for you someday

Years gone by so fast
That time seems to be of no effect
Of what I’ve felt, what I’m feeling and what I will feel
For me, it seemed oh so real

We met each other again
And you never greeted me then
But that is how to forget
Someone who is of regret

Within that span of time
I’ve prayed for you to be in my arms again
I cry every night and still I know
That you’re in my heart wherever you will go

For some reason I forgot how to love
But if it’s you I am talking about,
I taste the truth of what is within my soul
For I searched for you in those years you’ve said you’d be gone

Dead as my feelings were
The pain still remains untouched
Unsolved by the mystery of my hate
But I can’t stop thinking of the path that led me astray

Broken by the midst of the darkness
I lie in my bed wondering and thinking
How could this have happened?
Why? How? What did I do to make you change so suddenly?
I couldn’t explain it myself

I took a knife a looked at myself in the mirror
For the last time
For this time
I’ll rest with you in my heart
Expect me to be there my love
I tried hard
But not hard enough to assure
That I would not be affected by your loss
In heaven, I shall find true happiness with you

All these years, I never thought
That you would wait for me here
-Didn’t I promise forever?
I cried and with a warm kiss
I woke up and find myself in your arms
We were both lying
I saw your reflection in the mirror
For the last time, for this time
Just like I, with a knife…
I closed my eyes with a smile…

10/02/03

untitled

2004-06-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

In this world I see,
Why can’t things be?
Just the way that I
Would want it to lie?
Is it time or is it just I?
Love
Is it not what most would want to understand?
Yet most people do not value the precise meaning of it?
Love
Is it not what people want?
Is it not when two eyes meet?
Is it not how the world turns?
Is it not where hearts meet?
Is it not why people cry?
Care
Is it not what binds all men?
Is it not where we rest?
Is it not why some don’t even bother to?
Is it not how we share affection?
Is it not when we feel the same way?
Passion
Is it not what burns with love?
Is it not when love is deep?
Is it not how life begins?
Is it not where souls unite?
Is it not why we love?
Words
Is it not what we say?
Is it not when we speak?
Is it not where we express?
Is it not how we utter?
Is it not why we lie?
Life
Is it not what we are for?
Is it not when we breathe?
Is it not where we sleep?
Is it not how we live it?
Is it not why we are here?
End
Is it not what is sad?
Is it not when time elapses?
Is it not where all dies?
Is it not why we depart this life?
Is it not how we live again?

Is me the I of what I am?
Is the me of I what I am?
Am the I of me what I am?
Am the I of what I am me?
Is what I am me and I?

my dreadful monstrosity

2004-06-21T02:34:00.001-07:00

from disgust and revulsion
from shock to dismay
my dreams have always
kept me strayed into a
deep brook of pretense
portraits of morbid murders
picture of morose and melancholic deaths
these effigies have always defiled my senses
my mourning brought about by
giraffes of my peculiar imagination
and lions thriving upon resentment and antagonism
my sentiments; pathetic, frail...feeble-
-and at such i capitulated...
hoping not to be incarcerated for decades
that which is chock-full of distress and grief
a mischievous sprite lurking by my pillow
a fiend of no compassion and sense
only to my mantle have i fastened my cold hands.
wintry and anxious...
i woke up with a toughened moan...
ready for my subsequent dreadful monstrosity...

jacob's ladder [pattiann rogers]

2004-06-21T02:34:00.000-07:00

Regard these immortal beings
as one by one they descend
in garments of scarlet tint like
evening shining on ivory terns
and ice-filled seas. They come
covered in seamless cloaks
like rain swaying like human ghosts
gathering across the prairie, in silver
sheen like salmon at night through
a black rush of rapids, come
veiled in laces like tall grasses
in webs of bowl and doily spiders,
like morning in a dispensation
of white-threaded poplar seeds.

Observe these immortal beings
step by step, scarves wrapped
around their presence like light
wrapped around field sunflowers
in full bloom. They descend
in rings and green drapery like
the birch and the sweet bay descend
without moving from their highest
branches down to the earth. Down
they come in ritual procession,
in hoods of violet velvet so
deep their faces disappear like
the faces deep inside the hoods
of monkshood blossoms disappear.

Watch them descend one by one
in robes of wind like silk flags
alive on their bones, dressed
in stars like shawls settled
like memory across their shoulders,
becoming the place of themselves
like descending mizzle sheathing
winter in glass, clothed like blue
Arctic butterflies in the eternal
form of their own motion. Arrayed
in the phenomena of immortality,
they are made immortal. Regard
these beings from heaven forever
in their earthly descent.

the veracity of actions

2004-06-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

i suppose i was sullen before
but now- garrulous
the rationale behind it?
-never said...
to talk is a noble gerund
mostly to veto...
a vicarious situation indeed
for many have cried over brief
tombstones of past sentences
always querulous and cynical
quixotic if i may say
though i sense a tad quirk attribute--
queer as it may seem
most people are reproachful
need i care?-
- a quasi-purgative notion perhaps

cheers dear [for alex c. rivera]

2004-06-21T02:32:00.000-07:00

such a line,
such words used
that my follies ended-
whereabouts of my past self
have i found with these two words
and by daylight, i rested upon loves
embrace, tomorrow is of no substance and
consequence, for what i have before
me is chaste heed, and to no avail
of vindication shall i create
for i have picked enough
snuffles to last me
a lifetime...---
such an end..-
such a lie-

that specific dawn

2004-06-21T02:30:00.000-07:00

divide the sunset
and let pass a bright
white prancing horse
delivering joy and an
astounding array of waves
that traces its movements
from the sea of a
devoted landscape.
enter the nook and
release all anxiety
touch the light and
close the entrance.
draft the sudden moment
and capture its essence
after all, the dawn is-
-quicker than a blink.

flower in the midnight rain [third of ten]

2004-06-21T02:29:00.001-07:00

to be at a place
is to fathom time
to compromise with bitterness
and slide through the
sharp edges of a sword.

wire my message
a sole but deep abrasion
push the knife against my head
unveil this distrust
and bring me back
my old petals-
let my flower bloom thrice a day
and wither not in front
of a thousand storms

only then shall
i be blessed.

added is one [maria melinda ortega]

2004-06-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

countless slits i have kept
and now, added is one
-a wound of friendship-
O, it tears me so! Oh-
sighted a gesture of goodbyes' waving hands
from a friend of incomparable
significance to me- bruises fade
but the pain remains the same-
marks of my wounds stayed as
conspicuous as they where before
to hide for a time or bring peace? Oh!
shall i make the difference?

whisper my reverie

2004-06-21T02:28:00.001-07:00

is it not right to tell the wind
of my plain adoration?-

-incessant is the sound of your voice
passing my ears in ways
beyond possible tones
of melody could only have given thought.
jostled by hidden treasures
i took a sip of tea
a silhouette of pending mimics
of grasshoppers and crickets
shadows my fluid heart

for the reason i linger for
a breaths-drop of fire
typifies a tragedy of a man
drowning in repetition
from a sinkhole
from loves' most vivid memory-of-a-start.
devoured by many a million erasures
that which swallows me whole.

i rest upon bewilder
hence yet i speak of nothing
in romance to let your eyes
capsize with tears.
i dare no knight to challenge me
bound by feisty rules upon his castle
place your hands on mine
and let us dance together
with roaming indefinite stars
clasping their arms unto the sand
so solemn are their shines
that we can't help but stare
at them all throughout the night
with a kiss, ended was my immature reverie...

allow me to whisper your name to
the gentlest of winds-
-to murmur my adoration to unknown skies...

echoed sin

2004-06-21T02:28:00.000-07:00

it was the end of a lie
rebirth of jaded reality
filled with anguish and a morbid soul
locked-up by shackles of the past
defeated by dark memoirs of old
hesitating to vow revenge
spirited by enemies of a bomb
hold back the vines with thorns
hide safe for warnings-
of foredooming onslaught and devastation
the genesis of life started
where my life ended, here at limbo-
an unending space of torment and torture
webs of discounted ambitions
a river of bones, flooded by-
whores, sinners, juveniles and even saints.
home to where my gods have failed to take sorrow for
suffering is a daily pill
and pity is a pealing thrown to the pigs.
eaten by maggots who have toweled me here...
ALAS! an entrance to the gates
the echoes of a wicked voice played
go to your destiny-
-i looked back, i was stone-
for i have chosen not to enter,
now i wryly plow my own soil
with my shovel and all
alone had i travel, six feet under-

virgin was my last name

2004-06-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

hush, i hear the rub...
i smell my purity-
thus i smell something wrong...
why is it that
it is in doing wrong i excel?

separate the blow from
the curse in this immortal stone...
i hear the rub...
i sense temptation
i got a bite from the twig at
which lusts' hangs itself...

and never did i regret it
for i have grown towards
where i was molded from...

i knew then at such
would never be the same
for only a decade and three years
virgin was my last name...

love at repose [for vince joven]

2004-06-21T02:26:00.001-07:00

between me and you is the
nocturne sweetness of spring...
even before the gentleness
of the air caresses me-
the rain on my skin
plummets way down yours-

my misdemeanors become ephemeral
the moon stays longer than the sun
my crevasses become shallow...
my fears cease to bother me-
-even my conscience and purity...

i seek refuge amid-
your arms and your body...
a slumber land indeed.
and ere midnight light,
a recess of timeless efforts

regret may become of this
still lust trampled down hesitation
summer has ended-

time is simply of no
value and space
'twas still dark
though i could hear cocks' crow
delicate drizzles dropped.
the ripples of the pond
exhibiting their forces--

--and so are our bodies-
but with a hint of rhythm
a melody tuning to the sound
of the fine misty rain...

a scent of-
flowing milk and honey
and the leaves on the trees
started to dance
-'twas the ignition of fall..

when will my winter end?

the advantages of learning [by kenneth rexroth]

2004-06-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

i am a man with no ambitions
and few friends, wholly incapale
of making a living, growing no
younger, fugitive from some just doom.
lonely, ill-clothed, what does it matter?
at midnight i make myself a jug
of hot white wine and cardamon seeds.
in a torn grey robe and old beret,
i sit in the cold writing poems,
drawing nudes on the crooked margins,
copulating with sixteen year old
nymphomaniacs of my imagination.

breath of coaxed delight [for paz marquez benitez]

2004-06-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

a cadence of grace
a vehement wall
of consolidated aspirations

i dreamt of what is now
a precinct of rainbows-
ever effervescent
ever kaleidoscopic
juxtaposes effort with colors

wisdom is exaggerated
nationalism becomes jingoism..
intelligence is superb
and wherewithal is
of incomparable abundance

-yet you have said
goodbye-

tomorrow shall i see you
in my garden-
if not yours...

flower in the midnight rain [second of ten]

2004-06-21T02:21:00.000-07:00

to be prank
is to be tactless
to wither
is to die

i can hear a voice-
within cries of a thousand
i hear impurity
and tastes its bitterness

i called a million
to hear me
no one listened
not one
but my leaves

and the pouring rain

in pace requiescat [for edgar allan poe]

2004-06-21T02:20:00.001-07:00

and so i died...
with arms akimbo
im shackled in fate
and bound by the weights of heaven
earth and hell...

but more so i died...
with my heart against men
against all impunity
and disrespect
for i have died with angst

keep sake of what
takes hold of everything
and so i shout
NEMO ME IMPUNE LACESSIT!!

yet again i died...
for revenge with impunity
is evil it its own sense...

there is no essence-
in revenge shall one
die with regret

i call on my race
towards a new era
of change
of solitude...

significance needs
a term to outgrow
and essence is its
principle...

only in a life
of no revenge-
shall one shout
I AM IN PEACE!

and so i died...

flower in the midnight rain [first of ten]

2004-06-21T02:19:00.001-07:00

to touch, kiss and ponder,
is to burn, hurt, and surrender...
to hide your ripples
simply inevitable...

midnight struck
there blooms contempt
simply invincible...

simple yet to love
in such ways merely impossible
is to drown, burst
and grow...

again and again i shall grow..
through the darkness of pain
slumber now

tomorrow bloom again
flower in the midnight rain...

ephemeral infatuation [for joseph rolan]

2004-06-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

i came about twice to see your face
a glimpse of what lies beneath
and so i saw
your eyes, your lips,
everything about you seems unique

i fell twice to catch my heart
but then, again and again is it falling
ever into a deep blank world
of love
and there came you
i was humane

i cried countless times
to cure my wound inside
rotten is my heart
for it had care for you more than enough
and so my feelings died

fountain of lust

2004-06-21T02:18:00.001-07:00

this is my sign
my refuge, myself-
the sun reborn
my passion, burning with desire
my soul flaming like a torch

my fountain
overflowing,
bursting upon is
the rage of lust

burning and burning
and burning
like honey,

so addictive is my sign
that mortals seek its
primordial
yet through the years

i have saved my body
i have saved my youth

-i have saved my lust

the saint of Monte Averdo

2004-06-21T02:18:00.000-07:00

me to the river of MONTE AVERDO,

PORQUE?! MONTE AVERDO, PORQUE?!
deep wounds have crushed my life
i saved a million lives
i died not for what is me

i ached in my mothers womb
still i cried inside my tomb
i have lied for sometime
and washed my hands clean

i followed my river
found out what lies beneath
i being a saint
cursed is this land
MONTE AVERDO!
eat my soul alive

why me MONTE AVERDO?!
porque no tengo dinero?!
porque no tengo kasa?!
porque?!
why me MONTE AVERDO?! Why?

i became a saint
not because im holy
but i was created
to make men more holy
than all saints...
but why has this land
forsaken me?

tell me--
porque no tengo llama?!
porque no tengo iglesia?!
is my significance, only to the holy?!
porque?! MONTE AVERDO, PORQUE?!

vuelve memoria de ayer,
mas rapido por favor...

vuelve memoria de ayer, un poco!
perdoname MONTE AVERDO, perdoname
please bless my soul...
for i have begotten my senses---

---
unto this day, people would honor
my grave, underneath the sediments of
the river of MONTE AVERDO...

blind of vestige

2004-06-21T02:15:00.000-07:00

take the time to cry
for in grief you will find sanity
take time to erupt
for it is in anger that you will be free

taste bitter-sweet success
after every drop of tear
suck life unto inert and insensible
truths and put them aside

use them later
use them at the end
use them not,
and you shall punish yourself

what holds you, what binds you as one
whatever you can take, use it...
fear it as well
it might prowl on your behalf

touch the peak of the highest mountain
feel the cold and tender hug of the air
that which breathes new life, everlasting.
forever shall and will be now.
together will and must fall.
stand alone.
stand uptight.
fight for you and not for what makes you.

sleep in slumber.
sleep with eyes opened.
tears are hardened in my eyes
my eyes closed for eternity.
eternity that is now aching...

enter my palazzo
for inside you shall see a red mountain
flowing with blood
seeking refuge and blowing kisses of torment
i see nothing, you will see me
eaten by fire you shall

-if likewise was made into reality.